just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
