I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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