my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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