So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
