at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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