I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
