My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
