she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
