she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
