i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just pee around me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
