if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
