Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
