Sry I called you an 8
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize