A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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