remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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