Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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