MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
