We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
