Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
