OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
