I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
