Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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