yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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