Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
