Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Randomize
