"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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