My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
