I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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