and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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