just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
