I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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