dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
