if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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