so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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