the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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