Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
