just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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