She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
