Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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