...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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