question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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