That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
