Whod you bang
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
