she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
