I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
