can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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