ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I need moral support for this bender
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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