im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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