i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
