I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm both gender and math confused
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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