You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
