i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
