I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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