I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I puked a lego.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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