We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
