he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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