and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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