I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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