My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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