dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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