I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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