I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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