I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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