omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
